Review: Kat Cole

Trapped in the Closet

Chapters 1 – 12 (2005), Chapters 13-22 (2007)

Directors: R Kelly, Jim Swaffield and Victor Mignatti

Trapped in the Closet is the “hip-hopera” written and (partly) directed by R&B singer, R Kelly. The whole of this musical is sung by Kelly but it uses actors to portray the characters that he voices throughout. Kelly plays Sylvester, a married man who wakes up one morning in a bed that is not his own. He soon realises that he has cheated on his wife and is so guilt ridden that he quickly gets ready to leave and return home.

The women he has slept with stops him, warning Sylvester that her husband is seconds away and she frantically hides him in the bedroom closet. The husband walks in and soon discovers the hiding Sylvester. The couple (revealed to be named Cathy and Rufus) and Sylvester have a three way shouting match and Rufus eventually reveals to the two of them that he himself has been cheating on his wife, but with another man.

We are rapidly introduced to more characters and it becomes abundantly clear that we should all be slightly concerned about R Kelly’s imagination and overall mental health. The characters of Trapped in the Closet are connected through that fact that either they – or someone they know – have had sex with at least one of the other characters and this is the biggest driving factor in terms of the films “plot”.

Each character also appears to have a gun about their person at any given time and very little excuse is needed for the threat of using them to be made (Sylvester especially is rather fond of “pull[ing] out [his] berretta” and is regularly singing about this fact). Throw in some lesbian action and a midget that shits himself and you might be on your way to understanding just how ludicrous this film actually is.

Trapped in the Closet ends with the mass diffusion of the rumour that Chuck (Rufus’ gay lover) has “received the package” (AKA; contracted aids), a possible disaster since all of the fucking means that at least 4 of the other characters could now also be infected. The narrative is left open, meaning the possibility of another sequel.

The first half of Trapped in the Closet was absolutely fantastic in my opinion, although I watched it less as a musical and more for its perhaps unintentional, but extremely comedic value.  R Kelly has discussed this work in a serious manner in the press but you can only laugh at any serious intentions behind (cliff-hanger) lyrics such as the following two examples:

“Now PAUSE the moooovie, coz what I’m about to tell y’all is so damn twisted! Not only is there a man in his cabinet, but the man is also a midget! MIDGET! MIDGET! MIDGET!”

“…and it’s Ro-o-o-o-sie the no-o-o-sey neighbour, ooooh, with a spatula in her hand (SPATULA!!!), like it’s gonna do sommin against those guns, yeeeeah, it’s Rosie. The nosey neighbo-uuuur!”

The second half of Trapped in the Closet did not impress me as much as the first. This is probably due to the fact that the second half was made in the wake of the cult popularity of the first 12 chapters, despite Kelly’s apparent lack of new ideas. The music of the film began to grate on me also because it was actually just one single, 80 minute long song, with no chorus and the same, repetitive chord pattern used throughout.

Despite this (and the annoying likelihood that the tune will be stuck in my head for the next 17 days) I would recommend others watch this film for the simple reason that you can’t even begin to comprehend or believe how barmy it is until you have actually sat through it.